Tales from the Abyss
by muaaimoi
Summary: Or some mislabeled folder on my hard drive. Basically shenny in all the fun ways my mind has conceived it but refused to write out a full story for. Enjoy, please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

_**Hello dear readers, as promised an "Odd Ideas" for the Fandom that won the poll. This was TBBT. So now I'm looking through my hard drive for Ideas I started working on and Pretty much abandoned. I feel bad for all the dead bunny's but cest la vie. If any of you would like to go through or write any of these Ideas just please give me props, and PM me! I would love to see what you do with these! So on to the first;  
**_

_**X  
**_

_**To Oz, To Oz**_

**by: muaaimoi**

"Are you sure about this Bernadette" Penny asked her diminutive friend as Amy attaches more electrodes to her head.

" It'll be fine" Bernadette assures her with an exited smile.

" Why would you direct your queries at her?" Amy questioned, " It's my experiment."

" Because she's more likely to tell me if this would burn off all my hair" Penny answers bluntly. Its the best part about being Amy's bestie. Much like with Sheldon, you can be completely honest about what you think most of the time.

" Fair enough" Amy agrees and goes right back to checking her machines.

See? Not many people would be okay with a response like that.

" Stop moving Ricky!" Bernadette demands of the Monkey undergoing the same treatment beside her. It's a brilliant example of what Penny means by 'most things'. There's just no telling Amy that her douche bag smocking Monkey creeps her out. At least, not with out feeling like an asshole. A mean asshole.

Ricky blows smoke at her face.

Penny firmly reminds herself that Amy is one of her best friends. And the kind of brainiac whose quirks it's worth putting up with.

..knock..knock..knock.

"Penny!"

Ironically there was another one of them now. She smiles. She can't help it. Sheldon's just such a whack-a-doodle.

" Ill get it" Bernadette says.

..knock..knock..knock.

"Penny!"

..knock..knock..knock.

"Penny!"

Its the last thing she hears.

xXx

When Penny wakes up, she's not quite sure whats going on. All she recognizes is the soft blue of her couch. The rest of the area is baffling. It looks like someone had spewed rainbows all over the place. The sheer amount of bright colors hurt her eyes. The only solid unbroken color other than the sky seemed to be a lake, and some ferns, even the floor was was so fucking weird. It looked like someone had puked rainbows.

It was hard enough to think beyond the pounding in her head. And then she get's a ring of smoke shot into her face. Fucking Ricky. Apparently, he'd come with the couch.

She's somewhere she doesn't recognize and the only one with her is an evil monkey. Joy.

" Well Ricky, something tells me were not in Pasadena anymore." She knows her town pretty well. But theirs no telling if they are just in some really flaming place in California. Possibly some extra gay place in San Francisco. Penny can say that because it comes from a place of love. Her hairdresser is totally flaming. And no one else can do as good a job for twenty bucks. Penny's asked him to marry her a few times.

That's when she notices the bubble. Or at least it looks like a bubble at first.

The closer it gets the more the light seems to shimmer around it. Like every color of a rainbow is trapped inside of of it, a swirly sort of disco ball . It didn't pop like a bubble either, instead turning into a what was either a very small woman or a very large fairy. Well, she did have both a crown and a wand, so Penny would go with Fairy. Tinkerbell would of been jealous.

Ricky watched her warily, hiding behind Penny.

" At least it's not Nebraska" Penny muttered to herself " Or North Dakota."

Then the fairy lady spoke, her voice was really, really high.

" Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?"

Was the Fairy Lady tripping too? Penny could be a bitch sometimes but, " I'm not a witch."

" Oh my" Fairy Lady said, then pointed to Ricky, " Is that the witch then?"

Penny considered the smoke rings, " He's more of an asshole, and you know, a monkey."

Fairy lady looked confused, " Oh excuse me, I'm a little muddled right now, the munchkins called me because they said a witch slew the wicked Witch of the East."

Munchkins is right.

Penny stares incredulous at the people around her. They're all midgets. Or was Little People more polite? Penny didn't really care at the moment though. She was having trouble believing what her eyes were telling her.

The rest of her senses are completely way laid by a wall of sound. It takes some time for her to begin to make it out.

" She's dead!"

" -E'S DEAD"

"-WITCH IS-"

"wick-"

Her head ached. And the midgets where so freakin LOUD!

" Shut UP!" Penny burst out.

Within seconds it was quiet as a grave.

A little man in a top hat squeaked, " You've saved us! And what is your name witch slayer?"

" Witchslayer?" Penny questions, feeling almost as lost as she usually does when the guys get into one of their geek offs. Almost, witch-slayer is pretty self explanatory. Except that might mean Penny just killed a witch, which last she checked, she hasn't.

" Yes!" The little man exclaimed in something a disturbing amount like rapture. " You landed where she stood , and your blue couch smote her good!"

" She's dead!" One of the munchkins from the back called.

He was instantly echoed, and next thing she knew, they started to sing.

Penny was so not putting up with that shit. She was way too hungover, but everything was weird enough that she wondered if some one had dropped her acid or something. It certainly seemed like a trip. Not that Penny would know, her experience with recreational drugs had started and ended with pot. She'd seen what the stuff her brother sold could do to a person. And that just wasn't something Penny wanted in her life, thank you very much. She was definitely sticking to the time honored tradition of drowning her sorrows with booze.

Sadly, it seemed she didn't have much of a choice at the moment. Probably being drugged and all. Craptastic, just what she needed. At least having a bad trip would keep her even further away from drugs, and probably even booze for a while, certainly from letting anyone buy her a drink. Only Penny couldn't exactly remember where shed last been.

In fact all she could remember was Amy, and ...something about smoke...and Sheldon? Oh hell no! No way had she volunteered to test some funky chemical or something! Penny knew better than that damn it!

Only...Penny felt her stomach drop, making the nausea in her head worse, she could vaguely remember something about an experiment...

Penny was pulled out of her musings by a screech.

Her throbbing head did not appreciate it, but seeing the annoying singing midgets flee before an enraged Ricky pleased a small, mean, petty part of her. Penny blamed having been a cheer leader in Nebraska, apparently that put you completely out of the running for sainthood.

Of course things chose that moment to get weird. Or well, weirder.

What with a green Priya magically appearing on a broom and all.

what the fuck?

_**xXx**_

**This is the first plot bunny I've basically given up on. I was going to give Penny a very Kick ass Oz. Bernadette was to be the good witch, Howard the scarecrow, Sheldon the cyborg ( Naturally),Raj the bengal tiger and that left Leonard the wizard of oz( Can you tell I don't really like him?). It was to be Shenny, as always. I hope you enjoyed, tell me what you guy's think. Who knows if enough of you like a story, I might try working on it all over again! **


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thank you everybody who reviewed! It's nice to know it was interesting idea at least. I hope someone pick's one of these up, I'd love to see one done! So on to the second;  
**_

_**X  
**_

_**Of Psychics and Physicists  
**_

**by: muaaimoi**

When the Visions start, Sheldon doesn't tell anyone. Genii are known to tread the line between genius and insanity. He knows that there are already times where he seems to cross it. And he hasn't, he knows better.

It's absurd, impossibly improbable. Clairvoyance does not exist, neither do psychics, it's all hokum. Absolute hokum.

He lays in bed and starts reciting the decimals of Pi in a vain attempt not to think about it. Its fruitless of course. Sheldon has never been worse at anything in his life than not thinking.

But he's a man of logic.

So what if, at fourteen, he's not considered a man at all. He stays in a dormitory by himself and he's graduated college, even got his first masters. Surely he's smarter than most . And that's what matters. So he gets up. There's no more sleeping to be done regardless. Not after that.

Sheldon pads silently into the living room and turns on his computer. There is a very simple way to assure himself its all a dream. Katherine Meson may exist. She may even be an eight year old, little girl, in Texas. But she's home. With her parents. Not dead in a ditch. Dumped there by some pedophile who'd done unspeakable things to her.

Two minutes later he's staring at a Missing Persons Poster. And Sheldon feels sick down to his toes. Bile rises in his throat and its all he can do to sprint to the bathroom and deposit his vomit there.

Hugh Anderson was a working man. He had a pregnant wife at home who knew nothing about the drives he liked to take around elementary schools ,and playgrounds. He's throw up all he can but it doesn't stop Sheldon's stomach from attempting to relieve itself of all content regardless.

Some part of his brain is trying to figure out how he knows. Theory's of solving problems in his subconscious are reviewed and discarded. Sheldon remembers everything he sees, so long as he's consciously aware of it, and he doesn't miss much. Katherine had been missing for two day's. Nothing he's seen or heard in the last two day's has even hinted at her existence. Let alone what has been done to her.

And he knows what's been done to her. Knows and hates himself for not knowing soon enough to have stopped it. Further evolved than his fellow man indeed. He wonders if this is what happens once you put yourself above the norm.

He can hear his mother's voice in his head. She keeps calling it a punishment from God, for running his mouth and acting like he knows better than everybody else. He hasn't believed in her God since he was eight years old and he'd read about Darwin. It doesn't stop him from wondering if it is a divine punishment of some kind. He wondered what he did that's so wrong. He's only ever tried to help. That can't be that awful of him, surely. He may not have gone about it in the best of ways, but he had to protect himself somehow. Who didn't want a genius at their beck and call?

Sheldon wipes his mouth after washing it out on the sink. He takes a moment to be thankful for mouthwash when something occurs to could still something he could do for her.

Or, at least, to save another little girl like her.

Sheldon heads towards his computer again. It takes a few days, and it's hardly sacrificing sleep when he's scared to dream, but in the end Hugh Anderson ends up behind bars. It doesn't truly feel like an accomplishment. Not when he'd been too late to save Katherine Meson. But he can't do that to another little girl, and that...that matters.

It's the first time he does it. It's not the last.

-Six years later-

Leonard Hofstadter was definitely going to be his new roommate.

The man owed him his life, and if Sheldon played his cards right, that could easily translate into a complete doormat for a roommate. His utter disbelief in the supernatural only seals the deal. Sheldon could stand before the man and recite his entire life's story from his point of view and only convince the man of being a stalker.

It also helps that Leonard is a small man. Not in stature, though he is that too. But Leonard has an incredibly small universe he considers himself the center of. Not as small as Sheldon's , granted. But Leonard Hofstadter hadn't spent most of his life pushing people away. Far, far away.

It's almost impressive, when Sheldon thinks about it like that. Leonard Hofstadter is accompanied by two equally small people Sheldon must now include in his life. Their concerns are petty, material, and biological "needs" they clearly often do without.

In the end its tolerable, mostly because they easily cave into his rules and takes almost no effort for them to ''knuckle under" so to speak. He's almost disappointed, but enough things are hard for him as it is. So even whilst gaining a social circle, he's mostly all right. It helps that he can disguise his fear of touching things with excuses about bacteria. Mysophobia, indeed. He demands all of the furniture be new ,and when they shop it's all the same brands Sheldon has always used. They also take the objects furthest back in the row.

Yet ,no matter how large his personal bubble, he still knows much more about his new acquaintances than he has ever wanted to.

Leonard Hofstadter is the product of a perfectly loveless home. He is searching, desperate for an acceptance that will never come. Not if he can't accept himself .He is forever attempting to mold himself into some ideal he doesn't truly believe he can achieve. And having never learned what love is he can't recognize it. Or find it in himself. How could he ever love anyone else?

Howard Wolowits is a coward. He's so afraid to become a man he'd rather pretend to be nothing but. He talks about women, and leaving his mother, when he doesn't want anything less. He can barely remember his father, but what he does remember he doesn't even like to think about. He's terrified of being that man. Any man. He has reason to be.

Rajesh Koothropali is a latent homosexual. All the clues are there ,but he will never admit it to himself. Not when it means two generations worth of taunting will be proven right. His selective mutism is a result of the instinctual knowledge that any girl would love to keep him. What girl doesn't want a gay best friend? And Raj knows, somewhere deep in his subconscious ,that it wouldn't take a girl long to figure it out.

Sheldon thinks it's all rather pathetic. All of it, but it's hardly their fault. When your problems consist of making sure the police get people they don't even know they should be after, it's a little hard to care about personal concerns. Add that to waking visions, making sure everything he touches doesn't have a strong psychic imprint, the living hell he calls his dreams , and it's no wonder he can barely understand other people.

He has more meaningful interactions with the dead.

The only solace he finds is his work. No matter what kind of monster he's currently chasing after, the age of the ghost he's seeking justice for, his work is still able to make living worthwhile.

Some days, that's all that keeps him going.

- Two years later-

Penny was going to be a problem. Sheldon wonders at the usefulness of a an ability that had only informed him of the troublesome creature after the fact.

Sheldon would have known even if his gift hadn't informed him the second he laid eyes on her regardless. The hug hadn't helped at all.

Shes just so...bright. Penny is vivid in a way that makes everything else around her fade away. She cuts through the shades left behind like a supernova through the darkness of space. Its blissful. Touching her gives Sheldon a peace he hadn't known existed. Touching Penny makes Sheldon glad he's alive.

And he can't stand it.

He can't stand the thought of needing someone.

Not when he's so aware of the frailness of ones existence. Not when he knows that none of the people that leave actually want to leave those that love them behind. Not when he doubts he can have her in the first place (You can't hold onto light...).

Helping Leonard deliver a package into her apartment is the straw that breaks the camels back. He really can't stand the mess, but getting to touch so many things that don't give him anything makes cleaning fun again. He doesn't even dream when he falls asleep that night. Its the first time in Nine years that that's the case.

Of course Penny doesn't appreciate it. It's impossible for the woman to make anything nice and simple.

And he's almost glad.

If she stays away he can justify ignoring her. Pushing thoughts of her, and better yet, her ability to clear things of those lingering flickers that torment him daily, far, far away (As if it could ever be far enough...).

But Penny doesn't stay mad for long. Next thing he knows, she's a part of his life. Constantly occupying the seat beside him. Bright in a world that has been nothing but dark for years and years. He can't take it.

He tries to make her mad with backhanded insults and biting remarks. In short, he acts like a child. But Penny accepts this as his temperament and forgives him. He makes excuses for himself when she needs him. Surely no one deserves to be homeless , or hurt and alone. And there's just no sense staying away when he's sick ( The dead are so much more vivid then, pulling at him and it's so much worse than usual, especially now that he knew that need not be the case. He could barely keep the tears at bay. How was he expected to keep away?)

But he's too smart to fall for that trap. He knows what he's doing, for all he wishes he wouldn't have to acknowledge it. Sheldon is doing everything he can to keep her close, even while most of him knows he should push her away.

He's completely disgusted with himself. He hadn't believed himself to be that weak.

_**xXx**_

**This is probably my favorite failure ( It's kind of sad to call it that, lol.). It was suppose to be a sort of crossover with the show Medium. Sheldon was going to have this huge secret identity with the police thing going on. Where he was basically providing info he never should have known and getting people busted. He was also suppose to be emotionally fragile in a way that differed from the show. Having his ability crippled him socially on top of his intelligence. Poor dude never had a chance. It probably would of ended up being one of those angst monsters with harsh truths and misery. Not really my cup of tea, which is probably why I never managed to write more of this. Let me know what you think!  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**The Time Traveling Adventure of Amy Farah Fowler  
**

_**by: muaaimoi**_

Amy is miles beyond exhausted.

And she finds it hard to care.

She has finally managed to isolate the hippo-campus using the program Sheldon designed. Or at least, she thought so. Amy attached a few more wires to the electrodes on her head. She would have to check.

She glances over at her eccentric boyfriend. He had finally lost the battle with his own exhaustion and succumbed to sleep. He'd been up for about three days, one more than her. So Amy let him sleep. She would need his brain to function optimally for the next part.

Besides, he looked adorable, curled up in her couch. Sadly there really was only so many times a girl could offer her bed. So the couch it was. Sheldon said it was surprisingly comfortable. He'd even complimented her taste in furniture.

The couch had been pushed against the wall for the purpose of their experiment. In the middle of her apartment is the first functioning time machine the world has ever seen. Amy absolutely loves it, they have been discussing it since their very first date. Of course Sheldon hadn't considered their first meeting a date. But that's just semantics.

Sheldon had brought up a conundrum he was having with time travel. Quite simply, if he ever did invent a time machine; he would have already gone back in time and given it to himself. So he had recently concluded that it was impossible to physically travel back in time. This did not dissuade him however. There were still certain options they were left with. Such as sending an Older Consciousness back into a Younger Self. As a neurologist, Amy was best suited to help in this endeavor.

And after an entire year, all of their hard work had finally borne fruit.

She almost feels bad that she can't let the rest of their social circle know. But she knows about what they did to Sheldon in the Arctic Expedition.

And they don't exactly have a good track record. Howard's disastrous space toilet, Monty, even Penny's Penny Blossom Webpage. It seems like they can't get anything right. This was far too important for them to risk it.

So Amy and Sheldon had decided to go forward on their own. They hadn't even had to lie, something she knew Sheldon had been relieved about. He had simply told them he was helping Amy with an experiment for a week. Between Leonard and Penny attempting to reestablish their old relationship, Raj falling in love with his phone, and Howard's space training, everyone was too busy to care.

And though she would never tell Sheldon, she would much rather work on their time machine than do a web show about flags. So this suited her purposes just fine.

The only person Amy really, truly regretted not being able to tell was Penny. And she would get to inform her bestie once they won the Nobel Prize, so that was only temporary.

Amy turned her attention back to the Laptop before her. If this worked, then the entirety of Amy's long term Memory bank would be isolated and uploaded into the computer.

She watched breathlessly as the program began to load. She almost felt that she should wake Sheldon up for this part. But Amy wanted to be sure. She wants to make sure she can live up to every expectation Sheldon has about her intellect. She knows its what he values the most about her. And she just knows that after winning the Nobel Prize, Sheldon will be a lot more open to a physical aspect of their relationship.

It can't load fast enough.

The bar begins to reach the nineties percent range on screen and Amy can't quite manage to get enough air into her lungs. Her eyes fixed completely on the screen.

At ninety five, Amy stops breathing. At ninety nine , her biology overrides her anxious neurons and kick start her lungs . At one hundred Amy Farrah Fowler chokes on thin air because she can't quite believe it. It works! It really, truly works.

Elation sizes her limbs, and for once in her life Amy throws logic out of the window. She squeals in joy, hopping in place as her arms flail, not quite sure what to do with themselves but unable to keep still. Amy barely registers that she's crying. Or that her commotion has woken Sheldon. She never realizes that it's her flailing right arm that activates the machine.

Everything goes black.

xXx

A nineteen year old Amy Farrah Fowler wakes up with a jolt. She doesn't quite know what to think. She doesn't know she's nineteen. She can barely recognize her room. All she remembers is the machine. Her success...Had t worked?

_**xXx**_

_**My only real issue with Amy is that she fucks with my Shenny. For those of you who haven't noticed or just don't know; I love Shenny. Love it. I write ridiculous amounts of it. Even if most of it doesn't pan out. Still, she adores both Penny and Sheldon, so it's hard for me to hate her. If I ever continue this, Amy would totally stalk Penny's life. She would then track down Sheldon in order to try and date him yet again. This would eventually result in Sheldon and Penny meeting early and discovering that hey, they like each other. The end result would be Amy discovering she is a Shenny fan-girl. Thus, I would be pleased. ** _


	4. Chapter 4

**With a Side of Warm Milk  
**

**_by: muaaimoi_**

_Summary_: basically the obligatory kitten related Shenny.

x

**Animal Unleashed**- Or where Sheldon is far too smart to be a cat. Penny is famous, lonely, and getting depressed, but wishes and magic make everything better.

xXx

Penny eyed her couch warily. This was ridiculous, she shouldn't be on the look out for revenge in her own home. Especially since she lived alone. Well, almost, she mentally amended, spotting her high strung feline napping by the window of her pent house.

She gave a gusty sigh, she knew cats weren't dogs, but was it really too much for her to ask for Sheldon to come greet her at the door once? Just once, She'd had a really hard shoot and she just wanted to come home and snuggle. Hell she'd settle for some attention, all she wanted was a little sympathy.

But Sheldon wasn't planning to touch her, let alone acknowledge she existed until she showered. She had no idea what it was about her smell that offended him so much when she got home, but Sheldon would stay well away until she was sparkling clean. Her cat was weird like that.

Sadly today even her chances of post bath cuddling were low. She'd accidentally stepped on Sheldon's tail, and he would be cranky and standoffish until he'd had his revenge.

Penny wished she was kidding. But the last time she'd forgotten to feed him Sheldon had eaten grass and proceeded to be sick inside her purse. The truly messed up bit was that she hadn't even noticed until she'd gotten to her interview and had to reach in for the cue-cards her agent insisted she memorized. They had been completely untouchable after that. Cat spit up was vile.

Penny had to wing it and her agent was furious.

Sometimes, Penny wondered if her cat was evil.

But then Sheldon would do something too cute for words, like bat at her earrings with soft paws and purr up a storm when she held him up so he could rub his face against her cheek. And Penny would forget she had ever even thought of it.

Besides, Sheldon was family. She'd inherited him when her Aunt Molly passed away. It was the only thing that had gone to her. The rest of her family had divide up land and jewelry, citing that it wasn't like Penny needed any of it, she was a famous actress now, after all, and it wasn't like she wanted for anything.

Penny only wished it was true.

When she had first caught her big break she'd been completely ecstatic. Surely everything in her life was going to change for the better now, right?

Wrong.

Sure celebrity life was glamorous...

It was also fake as hell. No one cared about Penny the person, the one who waitressed in a crappy restaurant and had shitty taste in guys. All they cared about was her scandals, the absolute flop of Rent she'd starred in as Mimi, back before she'd figured out she couldn't sing.

The asshole ex who wrote about their hook ups.

Kurts tell all book about her. She still didn't understand how anyone even believed he could write. Let alone the load of crap about her having meltdowns and a drug problem. The drinking, that she could see. But Penny didn't even bother with over the counter stuff. She knew what drugs did to people. Her brother sold meth.

Another thing the media was all over.

One day, some time last month actually, Penny had woken up to the fact that Sheldon was her only friend. And that he had a litter box.

That was not a good day. The only reason Penny hadn't drunk her weight in good booze that day was because Sheldon kept spilling it and she was too drunk to catch him and make him stop. Seriously, what kind of cat did stuff like that?

So not only was her best and only friend a cat, he was a weird one at that.

Penny shot the slumbering cat a fond smile. At least he could be good company, when he felt like it at least.

She headed towards her bedroom, putting her stuff away. Penny opened her shoe closet, putting her flat away before sparing a moment to admire the gorgeous pieces of art in her collection. This was frankly her favorite part of celeberty life, the shoes, ye gods, the shoes. She had so many amazing shoes, even Sheldon liked a few of them, he always purred when she wore these candy apple red ones. She sighed happily, feasting her eyes. Then she spotted her third favorite Manolos.

They were absolutely shredded.

All the fond affection Penny had been feeling for her cat fled.

" Sheldon!" Penny bellowed in rage.

xXx

**So yeah, this had some serious finishing potential, I loved the idea of kitty Sheldon turned human, I don't know what happened. Also kitty sheldon with ocd made me lol. Man i wish I could resurrect this. It's a good idea, I really wish I could write more of it.**

x

**Kitty kisses**- or Penny rescues a cat and ends up accidentally on purpose dating Sheldon.

xXx

"He looks like an Oswald!" Sheldon insisted.

Penny looked at the orange ball of fur cupped in his gloved hands. Really, only Sheldon. At least he'd helped her bathe him.

" Oswald?" Penny murmured thoughtfully. She'd already vetoed all science guy names, so she knew he wasn't trying to name her new found cat after some guy she'd never heard of, but, Oswald? No, just no.

" Oliver!" Penny said as inspiration struck." You know, like that Disney movie, with the singing dogs?"

" Dogs?" Sheldon asked confused," Why would you name a cat after a dog?"

" Not a dog. Oliver was the main character, he was this cute little orange guy, like this little fella. It was called Oliver and company I think. I loved that movie, You've never watched it?"

Sheldon shook his head, scoffing." I never bothered with Disney movies."

That was so many levels of awful, who didn't like Disney? But getting back on track," I like Oliver, we can call him Ollie for short."

Sheldon sighed at her, exasperation blatant, " What is the point of agonizing over a name when your just going to end up calling it something else? I never understood the point of nicknames."

Penny snickered, " That's probably because Sheldon shortens something awful, isn't that right Shelly?"

Sheldon scowled at her," I do not appreciate the use of my childhood nickname. Besides, I have heard about yours, slugger."

He crossed his arms, as if saying so there. Nyah.

Penny, feeling just as childish stuck her tongue out at him," I loved that nickname."

Sheldon huffed, opening his mouth only to be interrupted by a plaintive mew.

They looked down at the kitten in tandem. Sheldon furrowed his eyebrows, " This is the ninth time the kitten interrupts a discussion between us."

Penny frowned thinking back, if by discussions, Sheldon meant arguments, then sure, Oliver did keep doing that.

Then she smirked, " Maybe he doesn't like it when mommy and daddy fight."

" I shudder to think of you as a mother." Sheldon informed her gravely, and okay, ow. He really didn't pull any punches now,did he?" Though I do suppose that does seem to be who we are from his perspective."

Then he cupped Oliver in one large palm before running a finger down his back," Don't worry Oliver daddy's here."

It was all Penny could do not to coo. It was really hard to stay mad at Sheldon when he was being adorable. She was really screwed if she thought so many of the cookie things he did were cute. And she'd been doing that distressingly often lately.

" I won't let mommy get in the way of your healthy development."Sheldon continued, blithely.

Penny scowled at him, so much for cute.

_**xXx**_

**I don't know where this came from. No literally, I was probably really sleep deprived when I wrote it. I have no recollection of doing so. So I had no Idea where I was going with this aside from the summary. But still, I thought it was cute. I know I havent been updating my Shenny story's lately, and I suck. But I'm currently totally distracted by the avengers and the awesomeness that is Tony Stark, particularly the Stony ship, be still my beating heart. Seriously, love. But as soon as my new fanatasism burns out, I'll be back. TBBT is one of my touch stone fandoms and one of the few I write stuff worth finishing for. So don't worry, there was this moment in the first episode when Sheldon is leaning against his board and Penny looks up at him with big green eyes and this really warm smile and then their eyes meet, and it was, gah... It was magic! Magic, I say. Seriously, thus this Shenny fan girl was born. I carry a serious torch for this pairing. So I'll definately get back to my TBBT fics.**


	5. Chapter 5

_**Serendipity  
**_

_**by: muaaimoi**_

Penny spends two hours and twenty four minutes in a car with Sheldon voluntarily because she's stupid. Really stupid. And she has no one to blame but herself. Sometimes, she forgets just how nice she can be. And that being nice to Sheldon isn't always a good thing.

He'd just asked. And instead of saying no, like a _smart_ person. She'd said yes.

It was probably the guilt. The stupid, stupid, ' I dumped your best friend and stressed you out' guilt.

So she had no one else to blame while he squirmed impatiently in her passenger seat and talked a mile a minute about quantum physics, or at least, that's what she thought he was still going on about. He hadn't shut up since he sat down and Penny had lost him somewhere around his fourth word.

" Were here" Sheldon announced abruptly, causing Penny to automatically slam her foot down on her break.

The car jerked abruptly to a stop.

" Penny!" Sheldon scolded.

" Sheldon!" She snapped right back, " A little warning next time?"

She looked out the window, internally whistleling. It was a huge mansion. Totally swanky, Sheldon's friend must be old money.

"Very well," Sheldon said, apparently to excited to argue." Just drive up, we can park in front. We're going to prove String theory, Penny!"

Penny shot him a sideways glance, Sheldon was never this easy to deal with. Something had to be up. He must have been really excited about whatever science doohickey he and his mystery friend had been working on. But it still begged the question, if this was so important, why hadn't he invited the rest of the guys?

Then again, Penny thinks to herself, remembering the games played in the Arctic, maybe it didn't.

xXx

" Are you even looking for a way for us to get back?" Penny demanded.

" Yes." Sheldon said after a suspicious pause. A muscle on his cheek jumped.

" Sheldon!" Penny hissed." Are you kidding me?"

" But Penny!" He protested, southern twang coming to the fore." We're in a different galaxy! In another dimension, surely you can appreciate that!"

" You said you could find us a way back!" Penny argued, crossing her arms. Yes the whole stargate thing was amazing. Atlantis was beautiful. She was pretty sure that there didn't exist a better girlfriend than Teyla Emmagen. And Penny kicked ass now, that was certainly nothing to sneeze at...

Why did she want to leave again?

" And the science Penny! Think of the science!" Sheldon said science like the protagonist of a romance movie said love. Like it was everything important, all that mattered in any ones existence. It was the most honest human emotion Penny had ever heard from him.

God, she was so stupid. It was that freaking drive to San Francisco all over again. She sighed, " Well, if it's for the science..."

" Penny?" Sheldon had never said her name like that, never locked those gorgeous blue eyes on her so intensely, so hopefully.

" Sheldon, were in a whole different galaxy!" Penny teased with a smile. She might as well give up gracefully.

She'd never seen him smile like that either, like she'd made some dear dream of his come true.

No really, someone please tell her, why was staying so wrong again?

_**xXx**_

_**Once upon a time, I decided I was totally going to write a TBBT and a SGA crossover fic. This was all I ever wrote for it. Penny would have responded to the gene therapy and Sheldon would have been very Jealous. Sheldon would also end up with a mentor-ship relationship with Rodney, learn something about emotion while Penny learned some ass kicking and zen from Teyla. That's as far as I made it plot-wise, or at least all I remember, geez it's so weird to remember how much enthusiasm you felt for an idea when you currently have none.**_


	6. Chapter 6

**Who Do You love?**

By: muaaimoi

Summary: On the fourth month of her anniversary with Leonard, Penny wakes up as a man.

1.

The first thing Penny does is scream.

It's still a shrill sound, but it's in a much deeper register than what she's used to. Once, when Penny was eleven, she had gotten in a screaming contest with her sister. One of them had cracked a window pane, and neither had touched it. Each girl had blamed her sibling, but Penny had always secretly believed she'd been responsible. It was a pretty awesome thing to do, after all. And her sister was a lot of things, but awesome just wasn't one of them.

Not like Penny was.

She was awesome. Always had been.

The little league star. Junior Rodeo champion, or almost. The popular girl. Cheer leader, and Corn Queen. Budding actress.

And now magically gender swapped.

Penny grasped her new equipment in disbelief. It was large, even limp, of course you never knew how much bigger a guy could get when he was hard. She'd had some flings who really filled out. Penny's new found dick twitched with interest at the thought.

Awesome. Just awesome. Apparently she was a gay guy to boot.

Penny screamed some more.

2.

Despite his misgivings, Sheldon followed Leonard into Penny's apartment.

He was fairly certain Penny was handling herself well as, while high pitched, the voice was decidedly male. So he felt it was largely unnecessary when Leonard grabbed Penny's bat and attempted to burst into her bedroom heroically. He failed, tripping over on a pair of shoes Penny had left lying around. The girl was in a constant state of disarray. No matter what efforts he made, it seemed Penny's abode was condemned to chaos. She was just so hopelessly messy...

And apparently absent.

Sheldon observed the half nude stranger in Penny's bed. The man was mostly wearing what were clearly Penny's Pajamas. The comfort ones, Sheldon had deduced she'd appropriated them from her paramours over the years, as it was all clearly male apparel. They were still ill fitting for Penny's guest. The material of the shirt stretched tightly over the muscles in his shoulders and pectorals. While the pants legs ended just under his calves. What was truly baffling about the picture was that the stranger had pulled the waist of his pants down to expose his genitals and a pair of panties Sheldon remembered hanging from light poles.

He wondered when Penny's taste in sexual partners had crossed over to deviants. He also wondered why she simply hadn't asked Leonard to partake on whatever deviance had caught her fancy before partaking in behavior that clearly qualified as cheating. It was very out of character for her to do so.

**x**

**So I don't think this will go anywhere, ever. It was just my first attempt at genderbending in the TBBT universe so I thought I'd dump it here for old times sake.**

x

The girls in four A makes Penny want to coddle them. Lea is totally cute without the glasses, and while she's a little round, the right clothes could totally get her to work it. Sheila looks like a European high fashion model. All gorgeous blue grey eyes, flawless cheek bones, and that stick thin body type. Penny's almost jealous. Except that mostly she just wants to give the other girl a make over. Desperately.

Sure Lea would be a cute project. But Sheila manages to make geeky comic book t-shirts and plaid skirts thing look good. There's so much untapped potential in her beauty. It make's Penny want to hold her down and dress her properly. Solid primary color dresses, thick belts and bangles as accessories. Taking that thick raven hair out of that boring pony tail and layering it to an inch of its life.

She needs to take them shopping. She needs to take them shopping bad. She also needs to see Sheila naked so she could picture it properly. But that's an urge that's going to have to go. The other girl seemed really shy. Seeing her half naked in dressing rooms would have to do.

For now.

**x**

**I think I just legitimately woke up that day and decided that TBBT universe needed lesbians. That's my only excuse for this. Well this one and...the one that follows this...**

**x**

Sheila sighed. It wasn't that her lover didn't make a gorgeous woman, and it was nice to discovered the way their female bodies fit together. It was simply that she had to fix this. Whatever quantum machine had switched her lovers gender needed to give her the original body back. Science was not yet at a stage that would enable them to procreate as two females.

And while that was still years down the line, Sheila believed in being prepared.

If they were ever going to have children, Benny needed to get his dick back.

**x**

**That's pretty much all I got. Id thought I had more fun with the whole rule sixty three thing, but apparently not.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Through the Stars**

_by:muaaimoi_

Sheldon stalked through the corridors like a man on a mission.

And he was on a mission, he was to haul himself up in the engine room and weather his fifth siege in the last three years. Was it really so much to ask for a captain to hold on to the ship for more than six months? He had just begun adjusting to his new routine, and here he was, having to go through the transition all over again.

He loathed space pirates. They were such a chaotic people, they wouldn't know the value of a good routine if it slapped them in the face. Captain Kurt had laughed, actually laughed, when Sheldon had suggested routine maintenance checks on their critical systems.

The ignorant fool.

It hadn't kept Sheldon from running them anyway. But it had been very annoying to do so discretely. Sheldon hated being discreet. He wasn't very good at it.

His scowl simply deepened when he dialed in the code to find his crew already there.

They were suppose to be procuring provisions for themselves. But did they listen? Of course not. They ran for safety at the first sign of a space battle, and then they tried to mooch off him when they began to feel the lack of regular meals.

Sheldon had extra of course. But that was suppose to be for emergencies. His crews shortsightedness was not something Sheldon considered a critical concern. He'd been making due with them for years.

Howard, Leonard, Raj, and himself were all that were left of the original crew of the Pasadena. The ship had been part of an Academic exploration Fleet, looking for anomalies such as black holes for research purposes.

They had lasted all of a year.

The problem with going boldly where no man had gone before, was that sometimes, things much worse than man made it there first. The energy creature that had tried to consume their ship had been nigh undetectable. If it wasn't for Sheldon's obsessive nature when it came to details, they would have never noticed it in time, let alone figured out a way to stop it.

But did they thank him for saving their collective behinds? No. Instead they locked him up in the brig and told him he would be dismissed for not following orders. Leonard, his room mate at the time, had gone to visit him, letting Sheldon know that he, at least, was grateful that he got to live another day.

And that was when the ship had begun to shake.

Some shrewd soul had noticed their current vulnerable state and decided it was prime time to strike.

It had been.

The space pirates had easily boarded and overrun the vessel. Executed the captain, as was traditional, and declared themselves the new owner. None of the surviving crew protested. Most of them had more than two brain cells to run together.

This was a crew full of academics after all. Though arguably, this made them easier prey.

They'd been banished to the bowels of the ship, only remembered when there was tricky work to be done. They were brought to the surface in groups of six. He'd been conscripted alongside Leonard, Raj, Howard, Leslie, and Barry. Barry hadn't lasted long. Apparently space pirates were not very forgiving about speech impediments. It had been very awkward working alongside his corpse.

They had all been on deck just in time for the second siege.

Sheldon isn't very clear on what happened exactly. He was too busy trying to maintain oxygen and gravity to bother with such mundane details, so none registered on his normally faultless mind. But Leonard insists that Leslie had betrayed them somehow, and escaped with some of the pirates. Sheldon doesn't really care. He isn't terribly suited to life under Pirate tyranny. But he deals with it as well as can be expected.

It's not terribly different or less fraught with peril than dealing with the rest of humanity.

It probably helps that he's notably useful, so they tend to keep him around. Sheldon is fine with however they treat him so long as he retains access to their critical systems and keeps everyone else alive.

Himself primarily among them of course.

His bumbling colleagues are fortunate. The latest pirate manages to take over with marked efficiency and the ship stops trembling in three days. Nothing is damaged badly enough that any of the emergency alerts Sheldon had set force him to venture out to near certain death in order to avoid the absolute certain death of everybody else on the ship.

On the fourth day of waiting to see if they're found while the ship is searched the door slides open.

A pretty blonde woman stands before them.

" Let me guess." She says, walking in fearlessly." Slaves right?"

They nod, almost in tandem. Sheldon frowns at the girl. Another space pirate no doubt. It's standard practice for the crew to catalog their new holdings.

He doesn't understand her confidence. He's perfectly aware that she has nothing to fear from them, but for all she knows they are armed and dangerous. It's standard practice for captives to rebel during a siege as well, after all. He supposes that if his companions were less cowardly, or he himself less logical, they could have attempted a coup long ago.

" Well your free to go." The blonde woman declares." Kurt was an asshole for keeping you trapped here anyway."

The others stare at her stupidly. He sadly finds himself among them. Sheldon thinks it's perfectly cruel of her to taunt them with the prospect of their freedom like that. Though he is curious about the level of intelligence of an oppressor who employs psychological war fare. He hopes it's enough to understand what Sheldon means when he says necessary life support.

**x**

**So this is the kind of thing that drives my imagination crazy. There are so many ways to go about this. So many ways! I can never just chose one though so this floats around in my hardrive and I reread it when I wanna hurt my brain. Ive had this going for years now. It sort of hurts me in my soul to basically give up on it. But gah its gone from a story to an exercise in masochism.**

**Hopefully someone will take this off my hands tho. Because damn this needs to exist!**

**Also I replaced the authors note in chapter 6. Basically my pathetic adventures in rule 63. They make me sort of ashamed in me.**


	8. Chapter 8

**In Technicolor**

By: muaaimoi

Summary: Very AU. Penny preforms and Sheldon is captivated.

**x**

Penny has always wanted to be an actress.

Her life has been a series of pretend games as far back as she can remember.

Trading in dolls for green soft balls, pretty dresses for shorts and t-shirts.

Pretending she's her fathers son instead of his daughter.

Everyone is better off when Jimmy and her Dad aren't shouting at each other. So she tells him she wants to go to baseball games, that she loves to play. Learns to swing hard enough that he starts to call her Slugger. She ignores how much she hates getting dirty. Her fathers happy. He lays off Jimmy and everyone else in the house can breathe again.

There's something a lot like happiness in her house. And it lasts for years.

Then her breast come in and her father doesn't so much as look her in the eye anymore. Penny doesn't let anyone see how much that hurts. The rest of them are miserable enough as it is.

Penny does what she can to help, ignores as much of the fighting as much as she can, pretends she looks up to her sister. It doesn't matter that she's not really interested in make up and boys yet. She just wants to make her family happy. It makes her mother stop shouting at her father for turning her into a tomboy. Since Jimmy and her father are back to yelling at each other, Penny will do whatever she can to keep the fighting down.

She's the only one that tries. Her sister and her mother smoke a lot of pot and don't come home unless their's no where else they can go. Jimmy only comes home to lock himself in his room, break things and shout. Penny tells herself she isn't scared of him and acts like it.

She's a happy go-lucky cheer leader in high school. No one so much as suspects that she has real problems. For a while she can pretend the worst thing that happens is that a boy she's dating sleeps with someone else.

There is only one crack in her facade the four years she attends that school.

Penny tries, but for a while she can't pretend she never found Jimmy overdosed in his room. There are months of crying when she doesn't mean to. Stuttering she can't make stop. Smiles she can't sell. And while they lower Jimmy into the ground she can't pretend she's anyone else.

She's Penny. And her heart is broken. She doesn't know how to fix it. But she's strong, and even if she isn't she acts like she is, it's practically the same thing, isn't it?

The next year, they cast her as Ophelia in the school play. Lying there, after pretending she'd been crazy and that that's why she was dead, is the closest she ever manages to feel to her brother.

Pretending is something Penny excels at. She's had so much practice.

It's the perfect break from reality to pretend to be anyone but Penny. Of course she majors in theater. And she does it while pretending she's a bubbly party girl from the second she hits college.

She thinks that if it occurred to her parents to notice her, they might of been proud. It's thought's like that that make Penny sure she chose the right profession. Anything to get to be someone else for a while.

Penny's spent her entire life acting. She might as well get payed for it.

**x**

Sheldon's first love was science.

He remembers the beginning of his life fondly. Writing math proofs. Performing experiments. Enjoying Star Trek and comic books at his leisure.

Then he and Missy turn six and the world isn't what it used to be. His mother and his brother die in a car accident. His father crawls further into a bottle. His grandmother tries. But she's older now, frail. All it takes in a fall and they're on their own until her leg and arm heal.

It's almost fitting that all he and Missy have left is each other. They did come into the world together. It makes sense that they need each other to survive.

His father becomes a monster they avoid religiously. The only way to pacify him is not to be present. Life is always unpleasant when George Cooper remembers their existence.

Sheldon's not allowed to read textbooks, or much of anything. He's supposed to be 'normal'. He's expected to spend his time getting muddy in the yard with a football. Missy shouldn't be anywhere that isn't the kitchen unless she's cleaning.

They are to do as they're told. Or else.

Never mind that they're barely six and drowning in grief after loosing their family. All of their family, because only Memaw cared about them and she couldn't help, he thinks that they might of been better off if his father was dead as well. And Sheldon wishes he'd been the one to die in the first place because his mother wouldn't have stood for any of the things he puts them through.

Sheldon is smart though. So he spends his time outside building a collapsible latter to the attic. He barricades the door to the rest of the house. Instead of walking inside after school everyday, he and Missy climb up the house and wait until they hear him go out or it's late enough that he's drunk himself unconscious to venture inside for food.

He wants to report his fathers abuse, but Memaw has warned them that they would be put in separate foster homes. Especially since Sheldon was so smart. They wouldn't even be in the same school.

Sheldon can't loose Missy too. Aside from Memaw, she's all he has left. He'd rather not have his father at all.

In the month and a half that Memaw spends healing, he and Missy become closer that they have ever been. Maybe it's because they have to help each other constantly. Missy plays look out when he showers and vice versa, he wouldn't have managed to carry up half the perishable food to the attic without her help. She's the one that asks their teacher for burn cream when he burns himself on the hot plate he manages to fashion out of the junk in attic.

The decision to never leave his sister is natural. He doesn't care how boring class is, or the way the other children torment him. Missy needs him just as much as he needs her.

They stay together.

Through the torment of middle school, the worse hell that is high school, and the incredible breath of fresh air that is college. Missy tells him she wants to be an actress, a playwright, maybe a photographer. She seems willing to do almost anything so long as it has a creative bent. Sheldon lacks the imagination for it. But he lives for technicalities. It's easy enough to find a compromise. The years have made them good at those.

By the time they finish film school, they're all set to head out to Holly Wood.

X

The thing is, Penny's good.

And she knows it.

The lack of offers don't make any sense to her. She's always chosen to be an extra, when she wants to be. She's always happy to make the money, but she doesn't get why she never gets the parts she actually auditions for. Their are only so many side rolls you can be cast for before people start taking one look at your resume and decide that's all your good for.

It's frustrating.

Penny pretends it doesn't bother her.

She's in L.A to get discovered. Not to mope because things aren't going the way she planned. Life never goes the way she thinks it should, her childhood had prepared her for that, if nothing else.

**x**

**So another AU because cannon makes me really fucking sad sometimes.**

** I don't remember where I was going with this. I really wish I did cuz I like what I have, but every time I try and remember, all I can recall is this one scene where Sheldon can't look away from his laptop screen because he accidentally caught footage of Penny with his camera and he's fascinated. That's all I got. Which is frustrating but what can you do?****  
**


End file.
